Creating a Support System: A Good Friend

I wish I had realized sooner that there were many simple things I could have done right from the beginning of residency to start building a support system for myself.  For a long time I pridefully tried to do most things on my own.  It took me much too long to realize I needed to allow others to help me, and at the very least let them be aware of my life and struggles, so they could have greater compassion and understanding for my shortcomings.  Having this support system earlier on would have made my life a lot less stressed and blessed our entire family.

Today I want to talk about the importance of having a good friend.

No matter how outgoing or reserved you are, everyone needs friends.  I think this is especially true for women.  There is something special about women connecting and supporting each other.

They don't have to be an OMFS wife.  Its true an OMFS wife might be more likely to understand and empathize with your situation but really all you need is a friend that is good at listening.

My husband is amazing and always willing to listen but I know its also a burden on him to listen to all my worries and complaints all the time.  I often write in my journal (or here) as an outlet but humans need humans and it is so healing to connect with another human being.*

Where we live there are all kinds of different graduate programs so there's lots of turn over.  I've had lots of different close friends, usually one or two really close friends at a time.  Having someone that I feel like I can call on to watch my kids anytime or jut chat about life has been so huge for me.  I've had a few friends that have listened to me go on and on about frustrations and worries.  They've really seen my worst self and I love them for still being my friend.  One winter I felt particularly isolated and it was the hardest winter of my life.  Looking back on that time I realized that because of sickness and distance of friends I had the least amount of human contact that year.  I learned after that season how important it was for me to have human connection on a regular basis.

Before we began residency my sister in law (whose husband has a crazy and intense schedule as well) told me the advice that she was given was to hire a baby sitter at least once a week to take a few hours to herself (socializing or whatever she needed).  Hopefully you are in the position to do this.  We haven't always been able to do that but I know it would have made a world of difference.  If you can't hire a babysitter hopefully you can find a friend to swap babysitting with.  Set up play dates. Connect with people through church, playgroups, mommy and me classes, city programs, neighbors,  your child's school...any way you can.

How do you connect and make friends?

*It is very important for women to connect with other WOMEN in this type of a situation.  I'm not going to go into details here but I will say I've read enough research and heard enough sad stories to know that confiding worries and stresses with the opposite gender that is not your spouse can be dangerous to your marriage.