Advice- Knoxville and Nassau

Knoxville, TN

My husband is on call every 3 nights, has in-house call and is usually busy all night.

Tip: If you tell the physician (PCP) your husband is a resident, Dr. will usually cover co-pay

Take the opportunity to spend as much time together as possible.  We often go to the hospital to at least eat dinner together.  Our program is supportive of that but other programs may not be.

You have to BE STRONG!  Dad is gone so you have to be the strong one for the family.  It’s a tough four years but you have to push through.

Temple: 2 ½-3 hours away from Knoxville, Our Church building is 15 minutes away

East Meadow (Nassau), NY

We have a small ward with balanced dynamics and is the building is about 20 minutes away.  There is a medium sized primary.   We LOVE the ward.  It is our favorite ward ever, The Temple is about 40 to 60 minutes away with train and subway and about 45 minutes with no traffic if driving

Our apartment is provided by the program  and makes cost of living do-able (take straight from paycheck), There is good heating and cooling,  The apartment is ground level with 2^nd and 3^rd floor to live in, There is a BBQ and play area.  In general there is a pretty high cost of living because its an island.  Right now its around $3.80.

There are lots of things to do but most things cost money, Wading pools cost money but beach is 20 minutes away in either direction (north and south), There is a bounce house, mall (great), parks are in walking distance, There are lots of Museums.  Walmart, Mcdonalds, Target and everything else is within 15 to 25 minutes.

The weather is not bad.  The 30's is the coldest it gets.  It only snows once in a while, but not often, Hospitals are around 20 minutes away, Southshore is abou 30 minutes away.   Tons of hospitals, good insurance

Program specific info- Great program, My Husband loves it, On call every 3^rd night

                1^st year, course to take, drive to class once a week, 2^nd year- rotations, 6 months not on call, You can get along with one car.  Church is the only conflict

                Test to take every year (Omsite), Presentations- 1 month after work

                T/TH surgery days, M-F clinic, days are about 6:30/7-5pm

Advice- Yale

*I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) so there are questions and responses that are in reference to our religious faith and culture.

How close do you live to the hospital/how long is your husband's commute?We live 10 minutes from the hospital and I highly recommend living near by to reduce the travel time. My husband has home call, so living close to the hospital is wonderful for him to be able to come home for dinner almost every night. On nights that he is called in 2 to 3 times, Living close by is imperative for him to be able to come back and forth and still sleep in his bed.
New Haven is not very safe, and I wanted to be in the Woodbridge ward, which has a lot of young families and a big nursery and primary. I also wanted to be around 10 minutes or less from Matt's work, so I looked hard to find something in the two ZIP Codes that were in the Woodbridge ward yet still close to work. Well worth the effort.

In general, what is your cost of living/housing expense?Decent three-bedroom duplexes or houses in Hamden are between $1500-2000 a month.
Gas is expensive, car registration is expensive, state income taxes are expensive, and generally speaking cost-of-living is higher... The pay and benefits were better here than most other programs, so it almost balances out.

Do you feel safe being by yourself at night etc?In Hamden, absolutely. In New Haven,no.

Do you feel like there's plenty to do to keep you and the kids busy, especially in the winter?
The summer was incredible here, so many orchards, beaches, parks, and fun moms going on outings. During the winter people stay indoors a lot more, but there are still rotating playgroups, creative moms, and plenty to do. I am still working on my tutoring business, but many days I wish I wasn't so I can just focus on being a mom.

How is the church?Awesome. I will love our ward. There are so many young families in similar position. After only living here for three months, I had six people who had offered to watch [my toddler] or take me to the hospital when I had Eliza. So supportive. Lots of PhD and residency families.

Do you drive far to attend your meetings, the temple?Church is a 20 minute drive, but we are the only ward to meet in that building and we have 10 o'clock church always.
The temple is two hours away. Hard to get to with residency, babies, and a long drive.

Has it been a culture shock moving to the east?No, but I grew up in Maryland. [My husband] had a hard time adjusting to the humidity, but for the most part we love New England. Great history, houses with character, and supportive communities. There are a lot of west coasters in our ward.

Any additional advice you could share?Keep doing what you're doing with analyzing your rank list. Trust in prayer and good luck!
Be picky about commute and the ward you want to be in. Sometimes that can make a big difference.
Dive in and be proactive in your new ward and community, it helps a lot to feel supported on long days and weeks.
Expectations can be disheartening. For me to be happy, I live fairly independently taking care of our kids. That way I'm not upset if [my husband] gets home later than he wanted to, just happy to see him.

Does Your husband have work he has to complete at home?
When Matt is on oral surgery rotations, he has a few articles to read and occasional charts to draw at home, about 1-2 hrs/wk. not bad. He does a lot of reading during down moments at work. 

Advice- Washington

A friend of a friend sent me this about their experience in an OMFS program in Washington state: 

Every program is different. Each program has it's own set of internal politics to get used to and rotation schedules and nasty and/or tolerable attendings. ;) Each program varies, of course. So there are some things from my viewpoint that are particular to our residency, I'm sure.... But overall, my number one piece of advice is to learn how to manage your own expectations (and not have any) and how to live life on your own happily. :) Do you have any children? We have three boys, which plays a role into some of my thoughts/advice, I'm sure.

At first my husband would tell me about what time he would be home in the evenings.... and then when a case took a bad turn and went longer than originally planned and he didn't get home until 10 or 11pm, it wasn't fun. The first few times this happened, it wasn't a big deal. But then when we had something planned or an event at my son's school that he ended up missing when we were expecting him or when the kids started acting out because they hadn't seen their dad in a week... that's when it got hard. I had to learn to not have any expectations. [My husband] learned not to tell me when he thought he was going to be home until he was a few blocks away. Some nights he would call as he left the hospital to let me know he was on his way home, only to get paged in a couple of minutes later and have to turn around and go back.

I know it sounds kind of harsh, but I've learned to just live life and plan things and go out and about with my boys in the evenings and on the weekends on my own... and if [my husband] happens to get home or be around, great, he can join us. If not, life just moves on. Wow... typing that out sounds mean. :) But I think it would have been helpful if I had known how to manage my expectations coming into this. And things have gotten better as the years have gone on. [My husband] now has more time off and call is isn't as rough, and we've learned to manage the hard times better.

Also, my boys have a really rough time when they go for days without seeing their dad. I've had to learn how to be a little more patient and learn how to preempt some of their down times.

The first couple of years are the worst, as you start your intern year and climb up the seniority ladder. I hope your husband is matched up with some good co-residents. That makes a HUGE difference! He will learn most everything from his chief and senior residents, and they have the power to make his life absolutely miserable or to make the most of his time in a constructive way.

I've also had to learn how to manage my expectations for when my husband is "home." Every resident is different, of course. I know some of [my husbands] co-residents don't do the reading he does. But even when my husband is physically home, he's not always really here. He's in his office prepping for the next day's case, reading journal articles on an upcoming surgery, putting case reviews together to present to the faculty, dictating the day's reports, or (for us now) studying for boards, etc. I do love when he's home, even when he has things to do. It makes a huge difference to my boys. And even if he gets home at 11pm, at least we get to sleep together. It beats sleeping alone, even if I haven't had a real conversation with him for days. But it's just something to keep in mind.

During the bad rotations when [my husband's] hours have been long and life does go on, it can be hard when he all of sudden is back into our home life... Because routines go on and even change, discipline has to happen with the kids and hard things have come up that I couldn't talk in depth with [mu husband] about in a timely manner. I just say this to try to give you an idea of what you can prepare for. As much as I LOVE [my husband] coming home after a two week emergency department night shift and we actually get to see him, sometimes it's also hard having him back, with him not knowing what has been going on. Not sure if that really makes sense.

So,... I guess in short, be prepared to manage your expectations, live life on your own and to enjoy the moments you do get together. I hope some of this helps. Please feel free to email with any specific questions you may have. I promise to reply more quickly this time. :)


I don't think I said enough good. I guess I was just thinking of what hard things to "prepare" you for. :) [My husband] has had an amazing experience, and we are very grateful to be where we are and doing what we're doing. He LOVES oral surgery, and for that I am very grateful. I don't think I could have made it through the long hours if he didn't love what he was doing.

With that said, another thought did come to me after I sent the below... residency can be rough on a marriage. The UW residency here requires a four month external rotation out of state, which we spent much of apart. And the long hours and late nights and lack of resources/income can definitely put a strain on emotions. There have definitely been moments of loneliness and frustration on my part...

It's the little things that have made all the difference for us. As small as they may sound, the mid day texts, brief phone calls/emails, notes, and family prayers over facetime have helped to keep my husband and I close during the weeks (or months) we barely saw each other. There have been many times I've had to remind myself that as hard as life is for me, things are pretty rough on his end as well... and he has to go about his work knowing his choices and career are straining our family. There have been multiple times where I've had to remind myself to be a little more selfless and to think of ways to help ease his burden... rather than focusing on my lonely frustrations at home. I don't know if you're of the LDS faith or if you're religious at all, but for us, prayer and family home evenings have been an anchor. Just don't forget the daily, seemingly little things when life gets bumpy (which I guess is a good thing to remember anytime in life, right?) :)

Okay... you're probably saying "enough already." :) I hope I didn't overwhelm you. I'm sure you guys will do wonderfully and have an amazing experience, just as we've had!! It's a fantastic adventure!