I wish I had realized sooner that there were many simple things I could have done right from the beginning of residency to start building a support system for myself. For a long time I pridefully tried to do most things on my own. It took me much too long to realize I needed to allow others to help me, and at the very least let them be aware of my life and struggles, so they could have greater compassion and understanding for my shortcomings. Having this support system earlier on would have made my life a lot less stressed and blessed our entire family.
Today I want to talk about maybe an obvious one: connecting with other Oral Surgery Wives.
A group of women is nice, but even just one good OMFS friend will make all the difference.
I only knew a handful of OMFS wives when we started residency.
I connected with a few online (probably around 5) before residency started but they were one time connections. There was a couple that went to dental school with us and also moved to the same city we did for OMFS. They were in a different program though so our situations were pretty different and we lived pretty far from each other. Our first year of residency there were 4 other wives in our program. Three of these wives had one child or more (out of 8 Residents and 2 Interns).
Because of the nature of the city we lived in we were all spread out. I met all of the wives once or twice at the beginning of residency and the rest of the first year I only had contact with one of them. Even though we didn't live close to this OMFS wife she was my biggest support. She invited me places, told me what she knew about the city, had me over to her house and let me overstay my welcome (every time). She listened to my frustrations and concerns and offered to watch my little boy multiple times (even though she had 4 of her own). I wouldn't have gotten through the first year without her.
The next two years one of the other wives in our program and I began to connect more. She also became a huge support and sounding board for me. She would encourage me and let me know things would get better. She would meet up with my boys and me for playdates, invited us over for holidays and at the time was the person that understood my situation the most. We could relate with each other in a lot of ways and it was such a comfort every time we connected. It mattered less to me that these women and I physically got together but made my day to just get a text or email checking in on me.
Because of the nature of the city we lived in we were all spread out. I met all of the wives once or twice at the beginning of residency and the rest of the first year I only had contact with one of them. Even though we didn't live close to this OMFS wife she was my biggest support. She invited me places, told me what she knew about the city, had me over to her house and let me overstay my welcome (every time). She listened to my frustrations and concerns and offered to watch my little boy multiple times (even though she had 4 of her own). I wouldn't have gotten through the first year without her.
The next two years one of the other wives in our program and I began to connect more. She also became a huge support and sounding board for me. She would encourage me and let me know things would get better. She would meet up with my boys and me for playdates, invited us over for holidays and at the time was the person that understood my situation the most. We could relate with each other in a lot of ways and it was such a comfort every time we connected. It mattered less to me that these women and I physically got together but made my day to just get a text or email checking in on me.
Like I've mentioned several times before, every program is set up different. In some programs, like ours, everyone is spread out and it can be difficult to get together. In other programs the residents are in closer proximity, even the same building. Whether you live near or far support each other. Listen to each other. Don't let politics of the program drive a wedge. Allow it to bring you closer together to make those years easier on everyone.
If you personally find that you are in a position that you need less support and can give some to others, PLEASE don't hesitate to do so. If you're struggling with residency, make the first move to reach out to others so you can build your support. If you can make these connections and build this support before residency starts, all the better.
Lets take the opportunity to ease each others burdens.
If you personally find that you are in a position that you need less support and can give some to others, PLEASE don't hesitate to do so. If you're struggling with residency, make the first move to reach out to others so you can build your support. If you can make these connections and build this support before residency starts, all the better.
Lets take the opportunity to ease each others burdens.
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