Creating a Support System: Neighbors

I wish I had realized sooner that there were many simple things I could have done right from the beginning of residency to start building a support system for myself.  For a long time I pridefully tried to do most things on my own.  It took me much too long to realize I needed to allow others to help me, and at the very least let them be aware of my life and struggles, so they could have greater compassion and understanding for my shortcomings.  Having this support system earlier on would have made my life a lot less stressed and blessed our entire family.

Today I want to talk about neighbors.

When we moved to our new home to start residency I was almost halfway through my pregnancy with our second child and had an almost 2 year old.  We moved to a condo building surrounded by childless households.  I had the impression a couple months into our move that I should bring some treats to our neighbors and introduce ourselves.  I felt a little awkward because the closest holiday was Halloween (I felt I needed something to bring and an additional reason to knock on their door).  My husband was never home so it would be just me and my little one and I hate doing things on my own.  I didn't act on the impression.  I felt like I should do it again at Christmas but we were feeling just sick enough for it to be another reason not to act.
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Fast forward to a year and a half into residency.  I finally decided to bring goodies around at Christmas time but only after getting complaints from our neighbors about loud children.  It was really more of an apology effort and only two of our 6 neighbors were home.  The next year we went around again.  This time all of our neighbors were home and were so kind and grateful for the effort we extended.  It gave them a chance to put a face with their (sometimes noisy) neighbors and hopefully gained us cute/nice points with all of them.  A few weeks later one of our neighbors returned the gesture by bringing us homemade bread.

When our neighbor returned the favor it made me realize what a support I could have created much earlier.  For a long while I was so busy and stressed I had the mentality that all I had time for was to worry about myself and my family and I had to do it all alone because, mostly, I didn't know anyone and didn't have time to get to know anyone.  How wrong I was!  I'm sure if we had initially introduced ourselves and even let our neighbors know in advance our situation I'm sure we would have had understanding and even helpful neighbors. In fact our neighbors next door will often give me a heads up about things going on in the building and are always friendly.  I wish I had listened to that voice and had the courage to reach out sooner.

Be Confident

A few years ago I was talking with my sister-in-law (whose husband is an investment banker) and asking her how she handles her husband being gone so much.  We talked about a lot of things, but one thing that has stuck with me is her telling me that you have to be confident in yourself.  About a month or so prior to our conversation she had an experience where the  pipes backed up in their kitchen and got icky drainage water everywhere (it happened a few times in a row actually).  It was a big pain, but she couldn't rely on her husband to help in any way.  She had to figure out how to handle and take care of the situation herself.  And you know what, she did and it was fine.

 

I consider myself fairly independent, but there are certain things that I feel like my husband is just better at handling so I usually refer them to him.  For example, fixing stuff.  I was raised to use tools and fix things myself, but I've learned through our marriage that my husband tends to be able to do it much faster than I can.  I find my time is better spent doing other things, so I let him handle the fixing. 

The other day we had a clogged tub.  Since we only have one tub and I couldn't give my son a bath, I was hoping my husband would have time to fix it fairly quickly.  But it was a week where he was on call almost every other night and I knew he would be tired.  So, one day while my son was watching a show, I looked up how to take apart the drain stop, I opened the drain, cleared it out and had the tub working in 10 minutes.  I was very proud of myself, not for just doing it, but doing it quickly.  A few nights ago our toilet paper holder came apart.  Its not like any kind we had before and I wasn't really sure how it worked, but I knew my husband had tweaked it in the past so when the weekend came I asked him to fix it.  He insisted that nothing needed to be tightened or twisted, but when I went to use it, it fell apart again.  I didn't want to bother him with it because I prefer that he either gets rest or spends time with our son when he can.  Looking closer I found the problem and, once again, had it fixed in just a few minutes. 

 

I'm not usually so quick at being handy, so I can't take all the credit for myself.  I know the Lord has quickened my understanding so I can take care of the things that need to be done.  They may sound like silly examples, but its these experiences that build confidence in myself and let me know that (with the Lords help) I can figure out and handle anything.